Bill, I believe this is killing me
by USAAuror
Summary: One shot of Bill Weasley's observation on the first day at Shell Cottege after Hermione's torture at Malfoy Manor. Bill's observation but Ron-centric.


**I don't own the rights to these characters. I use them because I don't have the imagination to come up with my own.**

**Bill, I believe this is killing me.**

Bill Weasley stood at their bedroom door watching his wife sleeping. It was late. She had finally slowed down after tending to all the injured and feeding the entire household. Bill had spent the time getting the rest of the Weasleys to Aunt Murial's. Constant back and forth between patients had taken its toll on the blonde. Hermione Granger had been first and the last.

The young brunette witch had held herself together throughout the day following the cursory healing early that morning. Fleur told her to stay in bed, but she insisted that she attend the elf's funeral. Hermione refused to return to the bed despite Ron's multiple attempts to get her to rest. Bill knew it was the potions making her think she was fine. She wasn't. Ron knew it; Fleur voiced it; Hermione stubbornly refused to listen. Bill knew she would crash well before another dose of potions could be used. Fleur had said the collapse would probably happen around noon.

It didn't; or, rather, Hermione didn't let it happen after Harry returned from Dobby's grave.

Harry's obsessive need to meet with the wand maker and the goblin along with his insistence that she be included kept the witch going much longer than she should have. The interviews and clandestine planning sessions lasted through the day. Fleur watched as Hermione deteriorated and Ron silently fumed. Harry kept pushing them and neither one pushed back. Once, Ron, his face a thundercloud, stepped toward Harry after he asked them to another meeting. Hermione stopped Ron with a simple placement of her hand on his arm. By supper, late because of the busy day, she was in obvious pain. Fleur whispered to her, but she merely shook her head and shakily ate her meal. Harry was oblivious, stating that they would meet after supper. Ron put down his fork and looked at Hermione. She stared back while slightly moving her head side-to-side. Ron broke eye contact first, sat back in his chair, and carded one hand through his red hair. He did not eat another bite.

The downfall, long in coming, happened as Hermione stood to follow Harry to the sitting room. Pushing up against the table, she drew in a sharp breath. Her hand reached for the chair next to her, missed it, resulting in a moan as she fell toward the floor. Ron rushed to catch her but only grabbed the right shirt sleeve, causing her to spin about her arm. Landing on her back, she let out a loud pained yelp. Then, she simply lay there crying.

Fleur moved swiftly to her side, but Ron was already there. He reached underneath Hermione and started to lift her. The young woman let out a high-pitched scream. Ron instantly let go and scrambled away. Bill noted his brother's quickened breathing and anguished expression. Harry looked the same but remained rooted to his chair. The blonde witch then lifted Hermione's shirt to reveal a deep black bruise on her right side. A quick Episkey set the ribs back in place. She signaled Ron to try and pick up the crying woman, guiding him on proper lifting technique to keep the injury stabilized. The three of them went upstairs to the guest room, Hermione clinging tightly to Ron's shirt. Luna followed, but Dean and Bill stayed in the kitchen with Harry.

There had been more problems than simply cracked ribs. Fleur spent nearly an hour working on the feverish young witch before she finally declared nothing more could be done that night. She left Ron and Luna with Hermione. Exhausted, she changed into her night gown and fell into bed. Bill sat with her for the short time it took her to fall asleep.

Turning away from her, Bill shut the door and headed toward the stairs. At that moment, the bathroom door opened and Luna stepped out.

"Oh. Hello Bill. Thank you for taking us in. It is nice to be warm."

He stood speechless at her simple but revealing declaration. Quiet calm graced her features as she returned his gaze. Bill realized he should say something.

"You're welcome, Luna. Are you going to bed now?"

"No. I think I will read one of your books for a while, if you don't mind."

"Of course, go right ahead."

Luna moved toward the stairs and he followed. The door to the guest room was open, so he looked in. Ron was standing and holding a jar, while lighting a bluebell flame in it. Hermione looked to be asleep on the bed next to him. He took a pace away, extinguished a candle on the dresser and set the jar next to it. The softer light still illuminated the room. Ron walked back to the bed and looked at the woman for a long moment. He reached down and pushed a stray curl off of her cheek. She moved her head to press more into his hand. He froze in place for a bit. Then he slowly shifted his hand away and she resettled. Turning, Ron noticed Bill and walked to the door.

Bill spoke quietly, "Everything OK?"

"Still some pain, but lots better than earlier." Ron turned back toward the sleeping girl. Bill kept looking at his face as Ron continued to talk.

"She wanted light in the room; the dark upsets her right now. Fever potion and calming draught finally put her to sleep. She needed it." His features softened.

Bill started, "She pushed herself too much today. She should have listened to…"

"I know what she should have done…what I should have done." Ron interrupted, his face a hard mask now.

Bill took a deep breath and let it out slowly through his nose. Ron continued to watch Hermione.

"How about some tea, little brother."

Ron looked back at Bill, then down at the floor. "Tea? Yeah, sure."

Bill pulled the door to close it but was stopped by Ron's hand on his shoulder.

"Leave it a slight…please.", the younger man said.

They walked downstairs and to the kitchen in silence. On entering the room, Ron stopped so quickly that Bill bumped him. He peered over his brother's shoulder and saw Harry was still there, teacup in hand, looking nervously at them.

Harry was the first to speak. "How is she, Ron?"

The younger redhead walked to the nearest chair and sat, his eyes on the tabletop.

"So, she matters to you now?", he said quietly.

"She's always mattered to me! I didn't know she was hurting! Why didn't one of you tell me?"

Bringing his hands above the table, Ron replied, "She wouldn't let me tell you. You should have noticed, but you only cared about the next thing to do in this war."

"Of course, I care about the war. We have to win."

Ron looked away from his hands and at Harry.

"Hermione knows that. She's stayed by your side and given and sacrificed. Hell, she almost died at the Malfoy's. She lied to Bellatrix, knowing that she would be killed when the torture ended. She stood by you here, helping with the planning, while she slowly fell apart."

"Ron, I'm sorry."

Ron stood and turned away, facing the outside door.

"Tell it to her, Harry. Right now, I'm not interested in your apologies. I really don't…care….how you feel."

"Ron!", Bill implored. "We can't fight among ourselves; we have to be together."

Ron turned his head to look at his scarred brother, stating simply, "I'm not fighting and I am fully behind Harry in this war."

He went back to facing the door, and continued speaking calmly.

"Harry, I will follow you through this…stand in front of you so you can finish this fight. I will do as you say, when you say it. If you tell me now that I need to go back to Malfoy Manor to be tortured so we can win this, I will do it."

Ron sighed and continued.

"I'm not a fool; I know Hermione and I both will fight and be in danger. She may die before this is over, not if I can help it, but she may. Even with that possibility, I won't try to stop her or ask you to leave her behind. It's just…I…what I can't do is watch you use her like some kind of reference book, like something that can be tossed aside when it wears out. I will not stand still and watch this happen again."

Ron looked down at the floor and brought a quaking hand up to the doorknob. Bill barely heard his whispered next words. "I can't, not ever again."

Opening the door, he announced, "I'm gonna take a walk on the beach."

He walked out carefully closing the door behind him.

"Bill, you have to know I wouldn't do that to her. I really didn't know."

"No. You didn't know, but you should have. Fleur knew because she treated Hermione. I knew because Fleur warned me."

"Why didn't you say…"

"RON KNEW….because he knows Hermione. Have you ever watched him? When she's around, she is the focus of his attention. He'll talk normally and even look like he's not watching or listening, but…just let one thing she does…a catch in her steps…a little noise of pain…then he is looking closely to see if she needs help. Fred once told me that Ron used to make sure she ate and got enough rest when she drove herself too hard revising for exams. Today, Ron knew she was losing ground. Why didn't you?"

"I was focused on…well, she could have stopped anytime."

"Yes, she could have, but you're the one who asked her to keep going, even though you KNOW she's the kind of person who is so dedicated that she will continue until she can't anymore. She looks to you for leadership in your mission. You decide for your little group."

Harry looked down at his cup. Bill's palm slapped the table, causing the bespectacled teen to look up again.

The older man continued, "To help you end this war, my brother and that woman upstairs will give every last bit of themselves to this fight. Don't waste that; don't make them give it unless you have to. Think about it." Bill turned toward the door. "I'm going to see how Ron is doing."

Bill walked out onto the rear landing and peered into the light fog and gloom. He couldn't see Ron and heard nothing but the calmly crashing waves. He spotted footprints leading down the path to the beach. The three-quarter waning moon gave enough light to follow them over the two dunes to Ron's turn to the south, along water's edge. Many hand-in-hand walks on this shore left him with the knowledge that Ron was heading to the rocky swath that extended from inland to off shore. Rather, his youngest brother was probably already there judging from the sign left by a running stride. It was unlikely Ron would go any further; hard to climb the rocks, especially at night. So, Bill didn't hurry.

He shortly spied the shadowy form of his brother. The teen was snatching up rocks and hurling them seaward in rapid succession. As Bill moved closer, Ron shifted to flinging stones at the rocky outcrop. There were no impact sounds. Bill's guess that the other wizard had set up a silencing charm, was confirmed by the tell-tale buzzing of the Muffliato. He could see his brother's face now and watched as accelerated his stone throwing to a frantic pace yelling each time. Picking up his pace to intervene, Bill crossed the charm border and was hit with Ron's loud voice.

"….Lestrange BITCH! I'll KILL you! I HATE your whole BLOODY family!" Useless! Waste of…"

Bill grabbed him by the shoulders, felt Ron twist in his grasp, and was pushed away by a strong force to his chest. He fell to the ground as Ron whirled to face him.

"DON'T! JUST DON'T! I COULDN'T….I…SHOULD HAVE…I should…"

His sides heaving, the tall redhead dropped to his knees and let out a primal scream of pure rage. Leaning forward, he pounded the rocky ground with both fists, each hit preceded by a loud inarticulate cry. Bill watched as the strikes became weaker and, within moments, slowed to a stop. Ron was slumped over, leaning on his arms and sobbing. Bill put a hand on his shoulder.

"They took her, Bill. They took her and she looked so afraid. I tried…I tried but they wouldn't….and…and then she started screaming! It was…inside me, every scream tearing out pieces!"

Bill patted his shoulder.

"Ron, Hermione is safe now. You saved her."

"I didn't. It was Harry; and Dobby. I helped in the fight a little."

Bill looked at his brother sharply. "You were the one carrying her when you got here. YOU got her away."

Ron turned his tear-streaked face toward Bill.

"Bill, I don't think I'm going to make it through this. I'll die before I let them get their hands on her. I'm not brave enough to watch something like that happen to her again."

"You're plenty brave enough, Ron."

"Not for that. I won't live through that."

Bill sighed. "You will live through this war. You'll do what you always have; put one foot in front of the other and move forward. The Ronald Weasley I know, always pushes through no matter what gets in the way. I've watched you. You're a strong wizard; I think, stronger than Hermione in many ways."

Ron looked down again. "I don't feel strong; or brave; not when it comes to Hermione."

"Ron, you are brave; have been since your first year. We talked about this before…while you were away from Harry."

"I know, but this; this is different."

"Everything you faced was different from the thing you faced before; but you still held true. This is not really different. Understand?"

Ron nodded.

Bill clapped his hands together. "Now that you're sorted on that, let's get to something really important. You still haven't had your tea, and you need to get to bed if you plan on keeping up with Hermione tomorrow."

Ron nodded again and shakily got to his feet.

"Woah! I got nothing left. I might need help getting back to the house."

"Yeah, giant emotional outbursts will do that to you. Let's move…one foot…then another…"

They started walking slowly back the way they'd come.

"Ya know Bill; you're kind of an arse."

"I do know. I have to practice it at work; goblins, ya know."

"Right. Goblins." Ron paused. "Hey. Look here. My hands are bleeding!"

"It's called rocks, Ron, and you shouldn't pound on them. Perhaps pick something softer next time"

"Like my oldest brother, maybe?"

"You wouldn't stand a chance."

"Knocked you on your arse just a bit ago."

"Nope. I let you do that."

"Didn't."

"Did."


End file.
